Friday, December 18, 2009

Always Learning, Ever Changing

Writing short stories and poems since I was thirteen years old, I always wondered what it would be like to actually write a book. Now I do. I am not published yet but that will come, I am sure of it.

The romance novel I wrote took three months to complete. Editing and serious revisions took a year. Still plugging away at it though. I refuse to give up because some people who shall remain anonymous think I have potential. No, I am not including my mother or sons or anyone else in the family. Though it seems that normal to have these people in your corner because quite frankly you will need them when and if the rejection letters come and you know they will.

You began to notice as time goes on the stories you write begin to mold you as a writer. One person pointed out certain things in my manuscript that needed some changes. At first I became a bit defensive, then I realized if I was going to be successful I needed to start being a little more flexible. It didn't mean I would lose my voice as a writer, but that I would become a better writer. I learned what works and what takes too darn long to explain a simple action.

This journey has made me cry, wonder why I became a writer, and what started out as a hobby turned out to be such a chore. I am at the computer from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. I am on Christmas vacation from school and have a month off. This is as good a time as any to revise the darn thing.

You know sometimes life gets in the way of creativity. But if I don't climb back in the chair and try to improve what I can and let go of what I can't, then I am no better than the person who so easily gave up. You have to wait for your moment to shine. It will come. Patience is a virtue and by that I mean you will have to learn the difference between want and need.

What are you hungry for as a writer? Fame and fortune? If so you will be disappointed. But if you want to become a published writer who can handle the success that comes with it and continue to be disciplined then half the battle is won. Why? Because you have learned a valuable lesson, always learning, ever changing.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Oh Christmas Tree

You knew the day was coming once Thanksgiving passed that it was inevitable a tree was going to be in your future. Some people are reminded by Santa's little elves otherwise known as your children, grandchildren, somebody's children, whomever. When you stopped making it all about you and finally did do something about bringing that stinkin' tree into the house whether it is artificial or real none the less you put it up. Or maybe you are stalling for time and have no problem ignoring the whining little elves a.k.a. those kids and they know who they are. They live for this stuff so you can't disappoint them. If you think you can put them off try living with a new name for a while, you know, the Grinch, who tried to steal Christmas.

The tree is sitting in a corner now just waiting to be decorated. Ah, was that so bad? But wait, you are reminded that new decorations are in order cuz the old ones just aren't getting it any more. You put on your jacket and trek to a nearby store and began to purchase your decorations. Pushing and shoving passed several little old ladies who seem to take hours for that one "special" little decoration for whatever reason. Finally, you settle on a box of balls, tinsel, you forgot to check if the lights still work. Oh well, you pick up another box.

On to the register you go with your decorations, so glad that you are through with the tedious task of all of this you round the corner find about 30 people whose faces are turning into the same as yours. You draw in a deep breath and resign yourself to making sounds when you think the cashier is taking long just to get on your nerves. Once it is your turn and pay for your purchases you run to your car as if someone is going to grab you by the nape of the neck and make you start all over again.

Finally all bags are in the car with you and you drive like a mad person possessed on your journey home. Feeling as if you accomplished a great feat you bring in your treasures and commence decorating. Coffee in hand you place the lights, every last ball, every last stream of tinsel and the star your little "elf" made on the tree.

Standing back you have everyone in the house and possibly your neighborhood and their families waiting and watching as you flip the switch and watch and wait for the accolades to begin...

Uh-oh the lights aren't going on. The lights! You forgot to check the lights! Your significant other hands you the "extra" bulbs and commences to take everyone rolling their eyes to the other room for refreshments while you try to fix the problem. Feeling something staring at you, you turn around and there stands one of your little "elves."

Smiling you try to suggest to the little darling to go get a Christimas cookie in the other room--far from where you are. The elf leaves and you are back to trying to find that bulb that is trying to make you look bad. You feel a little breeze on your neck and once more you turn to see what else in the cosmos interrupted you. It is that sweet little elf again. Only this time the little elf has something in it's arms. What is this you ask. The elf blinks and stoops to put something under the tree. Stepping back revealing a box wrapped in three different types of Christmas wrapping with a bow that has seen better days.

Tears fill your eyes and your throat tightens as the elf replies, "This is for you Daddy, Merry Christmas."

Friday, November 27, 2009

Friends Forever


When we are looking for someone to be our friend I have often thought about where our starting point is. Sometimes we are so into the perfect someone that we miss the one that could have been the friend we needed and the search would've been over sooner. Then there is the popular person we think we need as a friend when the person who had been loyal to us was never chosen.

Maybe it sounds a little too far fetched, but what if "you" aren't what this other person is looking for? You do realize you first have to be the person whom you seek. Are you the friend who would never turn your back no matter what happens? The friend that cries when your friend cries? Stick up for them when everyone else accuses them? Better yet what if your friend's significant other starts a riff between you two. What then?

I have been that friend, chosen and overlooked, so I know what I am talking about. I have also been successful at choosing friends when I wasn't even looking. While I was attending school I met three kind souls who adopted me as their friend. I have written about these three friends in a previous blog and pray that I never loose touch.

The other day I was visiting Facebook and received a message from someone I had gone to school with. We were best friends in high school. She was having a hard time with her mother, the usual teenager vs adult kind of thing. I of course was getting along with my family but my friend was in trouble. So I did the only thing I could do--stand with her. I took a towel with some of my clothes inside and walked to school like nothing was wrong. When we met at school she asked me what the towel was for so I opened it up. When she saw my clothes her mouth fell open as she asked, "You would've done this for me?" Without hesitation I replied, "Yes." We cried together then laughed til we cried again.

In our Facebook messages back and forth to one another telling each other how good it was to reconnect after so many years apart (we live in two different states) we promised to stay in touch. When I finished reading her message she signed off as "Friends Forever" and the tears filled my eyes.

Some friendships can never be "planned" or "chosen" because they just "happen" when you least expect them. I wouldn't have it any other way, would you?

Saturday, November 21, 2009


At one time or another you will contemplate certain things in your life. Some good, some bad, but none the less they make us reflect.

I was sitting on a bench in the park thinking about what good things I could reflect on. I would have to say it would be the birth of my granddaughter in July of this year. Truly a blessing, every day a miracle. She was a preemie at under five pounds and was kept in the hospital for almost a week after birth because her little tummy wasn't the size of an average newborn.

Finally after a few days she had reached five pounds and was discharged from the hospital. I think a true miracle every time I hold her in my arms. Someone so small that can bring such a humongous happiness into our lives. A smile that can bring you to your knees, a gurgle that can bring tears to your eyes, with a laugh that can bring both.

I am truly blessed, very thankful and most of all accepting of all that it comes with. I thank God every day for all that I have and pray that He will help me through what I am in need of.

As all those blessed enough to have shopped for Thanksgiving dinner, please remember the less fortunate. Give if you can to a local church or wherever they are collecting for a family in need. Even one can of corn or whatever you can give, it doesn't take much and a little goes a long way.

Contemplate your blessings and make your goal to focus on others and what you can do to make this world a better place to live. This year has been one that I very proud to say I heard on the news or read in the paper that many youngsters have taken up the project of giving to others in need. We adults could learn something from them.

Blessings...they come when we least expect them. Share your good fortune at whatever level of life you are will never regret it and sometimes the good Lord lets us see how it affected others. Either way, you get that warm feeling that you helped your fellow man and we should all remember that feeling and try to continue every chance we get...

Sunday, July 19, 2009


Have you ever taken the time to look at what friends you have made over the years? The friendships that lasted through thick and thin? The ones you still have as opposed to the ones you once had? These questions that only we have answers to boggle the mind sometimes, and I was thinking about them today.

There is one friend that I have known since high school that lives in another state. Then there are three new friends that I met recently while going to school. We are the five Musketeers. Or at least that's what I have dubbed us and they just go along with it.

We are between the ages of 26 and 56. One is Indian from India, and the rest of us are Mexican-American. We all have families to some degree, either married, divorced, never married, and taking care of an elderly parent. Each looking for something and found one another. Helping each other through all the rough spots in class, life, etc.

We visit in class then get busy in whatever subject we are studying. Either side by side or across the room. Whatever it is that keeps us together helps us through our daily lives at home as well. Something strikes one of us funny, we text message the others. Something makes us cry, we call the others. This system of friendship works for us, and as they say in musketeer ville: "One for all, and all for one!"

To my friends, I love you and will cherish your friendship forever. Even when we graduate from school we will keep in contact. When we get out there and actually get that dream job we have always wanted, I will reach out to you and celebrate once more....that we are friends. Because when something happens to one of us, it happens to all of us. Take care and God bless you. Here's to crossing our swords forever....

Love always,
Mama Birdie

Blogging Visitors

I would like to take the time to thank all of you that have visited my blogging site here at cindyz creations. It has been a growing experience and I have learned along the way to be appreciative of everything.

A good friend of mine, Judy, told me never forget to thank all who have visited and taken the time to leave comments. Whether good or bad always thank them for stopping by.

So for all of you have visited, whether you left a comment or not. Thank you for taking the time to read what I have written. It does make a difference in my life that I am making a difference in yours. May the Lord bless each and every one of you and I pray that you have a wonderful summer. But don't forget most of all to take a little "me" time for yourself while you are doing it. Take care and thanks again from the bottom of my heart!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Summer Is Here!

Well summer has arrived and the heat that follows. Guess it is best to make the most of it and plan backyard BBQ's, family get-togethers, neighborhood block parties and the like. Even though fall is my favorite season, summer is a time of reflection for me.

Most people would think the time of reflection is the day before New Year's, so they can look back on what they accomplished. For me, I still have a goal set on what else I can become when the new school year starts.

As many of you who have read my blogs, I am an older student who seeks to accomplish more than I could possibly imagine. Pushing myself at a safe pace yet proving only to myself that I can (since I have nothing stopping me) become whatever I set out to be. Sometimes it is fun, but other times I find it quite a soul searching mission. Re-inventing oneself is not easy and I try to take the moral high ground at every turn. It is just a journey that I wish everyone who has the chance to do it, would.

I am satisfied with the mission so far. Lets face it, I have two months before summer is over and again I will look back without regret. This butterfly has burst out of her cacoon and has been flying high ever since.

Take the journey, you may just be surprised at what you find....

Sunday, May 24, 2009


One day while I was at school waiting for my teacher to unlock the classroom door, I looked up and saw this tree. It was in the area where the Parenting classes took place. The children were arriving one by one with their parents. Looking back at the tree I noticed how bare it was, with the branches reaching to the clouds.

The birds lit on the high branches, greeting one another with a friendly chirping noise as birds do. Then an even bigger bird, nearly three times the size of the others, landed on the nearby telephone wires. It watched as more birds began to fill the branches. Squawking at them as if she was asking to be acknowledged. The other birds continued to chirp while others merely flew away.

Pretty much like humans that are new to their surroundings or lonely, she continued to squawk, but the other birds continued with what they were doing as if they couldn't be bothered by her. Venturing closer she landed on the highest branch and continued to watch the other birds, this time she was quiet. Moving down to a lower branch she remained silent but still curious, waiting patiently.

The smaller birds began to move closer onto the same branch as the larger bird and chirped softly to her. Flittering around her, yet moving slowly and closer to their new found friend. It brought tears to my eyes as I took this as a sign of acceptance.

The classroom door opened, and I said a silent prayer for both of us. My journey as a new student at a new school, an older student that had learned through the years to be patient and observe, was just beginning. Uppermost thought in my mind when I cross the threshold every morning? The want and desire of .....acceptance.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Circle of Friends

Being an older student does have its perks. I turned 53 this past April and wondered what I was going to do with my life since my termination from my job of 5 years. I have Degenerative Joint Disease and was in dire need of a sedentary job, or so I had been told.

My search of schools took its toll on me but I finally made my choice and am now attending this fine establishment. Monday through Friday I trek to school with my backpack full of my books and eagerness in my heart. I am doing very well from what my teachers tell me...I am thrilled!

Being the new kid on the block I still smiled as I entered the very first day and said hello to everyone that came my way. I befriended two kind souls that have proven to be just that. Helping me along the way and vice versa. We have become true friends in such a short period of time. I have only been a student in that class for almost three weeks, but none the less they accepted me.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a hard person to get along with, just a little skeptical in my old age. Lately things in my life had been getting a little hectic. An elderly mother of whom I live with and try to keep company when time will allow. A car that acts up more than my two sons when they were toddlers. No job, writing a novel, several short stories, none of which were accepted in contests I entered them in. But I am stubborn and I continue to write regardless.

Last Friday my two friends at school and I were helping each other with an assignment. It was grueling but we got through it...together. When the clock struck noon my friends collected their things as I did. We all walked to our cars together wishing one another a nice weekend. Both girls gave each other a hug of which I thought was cute, they knew each other longer so I just waited to say goodbye. Then both of them said in unison, "Cindy, we are going to give you a hug too because now you are a part of our family of friends as well." I cried all the way to my car. It has been a rough ride being an older student and now the younger ones are teaching me a thing or two....I am a student in more ways than one.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Mama Birdie, Baby Birdies

This is something I made up when my two sons were two and three. I had just separated from my husband and two years later filed for divorce. It was a hard time and I wanted to try to make my sons as comfortable with my decision as possible. I didn't tell them I was filing for divorce from their Daddy, I was getting them ready for what was about to become the single most devastating thing to happen in our lives.

When I dropped them off at daycare before going to work, I would tell them that the Mama Birdie loves her Baby birdies. That the Mama Birdie would always return to the nest to feed, comfort, and hold her babies no matter what.

This carried into their lives as men. My oldest being thirty-one and a half will use it when it serves him. Like getting pizza for him if I am on the road doing errands and he is tired from work. My youngest being thirty, unfortunately has not spoken to me due to a misunderstanding between us. I miss him with all my heart. The baby birdie that I feel got left behind and there is nothing I can do, but wait.

My oldest son is having his own baby birdie this August, I can hardly wait. I have gone through the empty-nest syndrome already. It hurt the first time, second time, and now the third time is not any easier but I am getting over it sooner than I thought. My oldest moved in and out and in and out, and in again. For the past 2 weeks he has been moving out.

Mama Birdie is going to school, writing another manuscript, rewriting her first manuscript, taking care of an elderly mother and trying to keep her sanity all at the same time. I think I am getting pretty good at this.

Mama Birdie will be turning into Grandma Birdie soon and I can hardly wait! My granddaughter will learn about the Mama Birdie, but from a new angle.....

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Realization In My Heart

Looking through my eyes is something only I can do. I once had a dream that the Lord showed me how the world looked through my earthly father's eyes. The faults, mistakes made, selfish thinking, etc. It hurt me inside to think that my father had so many faults.

Now I am questioning myself. Often I have thought of asking the Lord to show me my own faults in this fashion. But will I be accepting? Will I take exception to what He is trying to show me that I must change within myself? I am now ready, I think, to hear and accept what I am doing wrong. What I have been doing wrong that needs correction before it is too late. Too late to change.

My granddaughter is on the way. I want to show her that she must have the courage to be honest with herself if not with anyone else. To pray for wisdom for herself so she can change the things she is not happy with, within herself...for herself.

I look in the mirror, everyday. Whether it is brushing my hair, washing up, brushing my teeth, I see my reflection and wonder who the woman in the mirror really is. Now I must start my journey with myself and my Lord. Asking for help will be my first step with Him. Accepting what He has to say will be my second. I will follow until I come complete circle to finding out what really makes me tick and what I need to improve on.

Feeling hollow due to being terminated from a job that I loved. Unimportant because I had to return to school at this age, (turning 53 on April 24th). Being on unemployment because I don't have a job and have to look for a sedentary job. I am disabled. I have one knee replacement and my other knee is bone on bone. Hurting. If I sit too long, stand too long, walk too much----the pain is there.

I was trying to walk through all of this alone. Alone is not something I wanted to be. I now realize I don't have to be a-l-o-n-e. But to have the courage to seek help with the only person I trust...Jesus. Not a fanatic, but I do believe that turning to Him is what I have done my whole life. Whether I need help or celebrate His help through tough times. I know I can always turn to Him no matter what. It is up to me to take the first step.

Tomorrow will come with a brighter, eager acceptance because I took that first step. I can hardly wait.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

The Road To Happiness

On the way to happiness
the truth you'll always find

The winding roads will tire you
or maybe the uphill climb

So when you're ready to call it quits
the faces you will see

Will be there to cheer you on
their called your family

copyright 2009 Cynthia Hernandez

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Will Next Time Come Too Late?

We have all been guilty of: "I'll do it next time" or "Maybe next time."
Whether it is visiting, chores, purchasing something, or maybe even telling someone something we should have said right then and there but something held us back.

Then of course there are the times when waiting was a good thing. Such as when you saw
a piece of clothing in the store that was a little too pricey, or the tool that was just what you needed but again it was the price that stopped you. Waiting until the time was right for the price. Can't go wrong there.

But what about when it comes to visiting someone. Is the visit going to take you out of your way of better things to do? When will the right time come?

How about the phone call you meant to make. The person on the other end was promised that soon, real soon, you would be in contact with them again. When will the right time come?

The time you saw someone in need and you said, "Someone will come along and help them out. I'm not going to worry about it." When will the right time to make a move to give a helping hand come?

Will the next time be the right time when it involves you? Sick in bed and in need of help to get you a nice cup of tea that would help with that sore throat? Furniture that is just too heavy to move by yourself and you need a helping hand? A piece of information that you need to take the next step in decision making?

If we all took the time to reach out and help, no matter if it is a relative, neighbor, stranger.
We would be at least able to live with ourselves with the satisfaction of knowing that next time was now instead of later. We all need to think hard and reach out.

At times when my elderly mother gets exasperated with something around the house I find it so easy to ask, "Mom, can I help?" I don't do it for the pleasure, but it warms my heart when she looks up with a surprised look on her face that is actually relief that someone has come to her rescue. She is alone without a partner.

I am her daughter and come to her aid quite frequently. Even when she says, "We need a man around the house." I just smile to myself and do what she asks.

It takes nothing to extend your hand in kindness. I find time to do this more often than usual. During marketing, shopping for clothes, shoes, etc. because just when you least expect it, your turn comes....

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Day My Heart Felt Sad

Have you ever had an off day? Felt as if you just didn't feel up to par as your day moved on? You wonder if it is a bout of depression, but just scoot that thought out of your head because it is just too heavy to think about. You look for another answer but can't quite put your finger on it.

The tears fall down your cheeks and you take a deep breath and try to rehash your last few days. How did you get into this mode of sadness? It feels as if you are in a black hole and you can't muster up enough strength to climb out.

Sometimes it is just better to stay in bed for a while. Maybe sleep in a little longer.

This is what happened to me today and I couldn't quite figure out what the heck was going on. I didn't feel as if I couldn't go on any more, but the sadness just overwhelmed me. I was supposed to be getting a room emptied, the rug was to be removed and wooden flooring put in the next day. Not getting into that room until 4 p.m. was the best I could do. I removed as much as I could. Then an hour later my son removed the rest of the heavier furniture.

My son and his girlfriend made a delicious dinner of which I enjoyed and we even watched the Laker game. But after all was said and done and everyone went their own way I felt the sadness creep back in. I kept trying to think about the fact that on April 5th we will find out the sex of the baby my son's girlfriend is carrying. My grandchild.

The evening lingered and I decided to write this blog, hoping it would make me feel better. Which it has in some way but hopefully tomorrow will bring a brighter day. Maybe I will dive into a book that a friend wrote and when I am through I will write a much deserved review.

I often wonder if writers have off days. It makes sense that when you don't feel like doing anything, writing would be the best medicine. Have you ever felt like this before? If so what have you done to chase the blues away?

Monday, March 9, 2009

When You Can't Say A Word

Have you ever been told by a friend, relative or significant other, "Whatever you do, don't say a word!"

Your mind is now going in a million different directions and you are wondering why this person is telling you this. Then it happens, the news is now crossing your side of the room and into your ears. A series of events start to take place.

First, you gasp, your eyes widen and your mouth drops open. Second, your heart starts racing. Third, you are already thinking of ten people you would like to give this juicy news to. Stop. You have just been told not to say a word remember?

You begin to rationalize. Maybe this person really wouldn't mind if you told a couple of your closest friends. They don't know each other so that would be okay, right?
Then you wonder if anybody ever died of withholding any news inside of themselves by imploding. Exploding? High blood pressure from too much excitement?

Why on God's green earth did they have to tell YOU of all people. Walking around your house going from room to room and stomping your feet doesn't help. You begin to wonder what you are going to do.

What's left? Maybe the cat would sit long enough for you to get it all out of your system. But you have to feed him/her first, then quietly sit next to them on the floor and look around the room while you are spilling the news. That helps. No eye contact and you can just say the cat over heard the conversation. Perhaps the neighbor down the street that never talks to you but waves occasionally?

Why am I telling you this? Because my mother's birthday is the 13th of this month and she will be 76 years old. She will have surprises all day long into the next day. My oldest son and I will be orchestrating all of this. Which means all of the happy news remains with me. A birthday breakfast, then later in the day birthday cake and presents. The next day will be dinner at a nice French restaurant. It is a secret. A surprise. Can't say anything. Just great....

My son works and is away from my mother, so no temptation there. As for me, I am with my mother all day, all the time. Geez. I try to keep writing my stories on the computer or writing how-to articles. But as luck would have it every now and again I look up at her sitting at the table and wish I could spill the beans. My mother smiles and asks me if I am okay. Of course my son would have what is called I believe, a caniption? I have never even ventured at trying to spell the word, yet I have seen it happen quite a few times in my presence.

So, here lies the problem or maybe even the solution if I think about it long enough. I have to keep quiet. When I feel like spilling the beans I will go to my room, take a deep breath and give myself a stern talking to. Then return to my computer.

My computer, hmmm. Hey, wait a minute. OMG! I can tell the people in my group and my mother will never find out. Oh lucky me. What a wonderful way to get all these secrets out!!!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Not Again

Remember when the advertising blurbs came out for Lipstick Jungle? I couldn't wait until it was on. Every week I waited. Turned the phone off, let family members know that while this program was on the "Do Not Disturb" sign was on the door!

Wendy (Brooke Shields), with her soft but suttle ways to speak up in a man's world. Nico (Kim Raver), who could seduce, immasculate, and neuter a man before he knew what hit him. Victory (Lindsay Price), who though has that little girl doll face, could whip something up to wear and look like she never broke a sweat.

The three of these young ladies were Lethal Weapons in their own right. They are talented, know their craft and pulled it off in a no nonsense series that was never given a chance. The good programs are always cancelled while they are still being shaped into the programs we grew to love. No matter how short their tv life was I grew to love the way these women carried themselves.

Sex In The City had nothing on them. Though I do think Sarah Jessica Parker is talented in her own way. I really thought that Lipstick Jungle was THE ONE program that would last for longer than it did.

I am sorry to see that this happened and I can see why people are starting to rent movies more and more. The only thing that I can do to remedy my disappointment is to buy the series at my local Best Buy store.

I wish all three of them well and I hope to see them in the future, either together or separately....

Ever Growing Passion

Do you feel the fire
when we kiss good night

Do you wish to see me
beneath the pale moonlight

The moon and stars
dancing in your eyes
Our lips longing for more

Take me in your arms
make my heart beat fast

Tell me how much you love me
Please make this feeling last

Do you feel the fire
when we kiss good night

Do you wish to see me
beneath the pale moonlight

Copyright 2007 Cynthia Hernandez

Tiny Little Miracle

Looking at the ultrasound
Seeing you so small
I wonder what you're thinking
You look just like a doll
Soon you will be in my arms
I will hold you oh so tight
Wondering if you will ever know
The prayers I say at night
Thanking God for giving me
The person I will come to know
As my tiny little miracle
When you're finally home.

Copyright 2009 Cynthia Hernandez

My Heart Found a Valentine

My heart is beating faster
A breath I cannot take

Wondering what this could be
A feeling I cannot fake

My heart has found a Valentine
I can't believe it's true

I found what makes my heart sing
My valentine is you

Written by Cindy Hernandez

Bad Day in Cindyville

Well, I am sure we have all had one of those days when all hell breaks loose and you are right smack dab in the middle of it. I sure was today and I would feel better if I let it all out. Ready? Here goes:

I received a check in the mail from the Dept. of Rehab, to start school for medical transcription. I had preselected a school already. So I call the counselor for the
class and ask if I should take this check to her/admissions seeing as how the registration date was coming up on the 4th of March.

The counselor informs me that registration would be via computer only. I would have to bring the check to the first day of class and even then I couldn't be guaranteed a place in the class. Mind you I had been going between the two counselors at Rehab and the school. There wasn't anything we didn't cover...I thought.

I emailed my other counselor through Dept. of Rehab and informed him I no longer want to attend this school.

Then I decided to check up on the book I ordered from a well known bookstore. Boy, I must have woken up on the wrong day. I tracked my book from the day I ordered it on Feb. 13th to present (Feb. 18th, 21st, 24th). It was being shipped from New Jersey, I live in California. Coming first through DHL to USPS, then to my local post office. Which was all well and good. I just wished I knew it was coming from New Jersey! I would have walked inside the store which is two blocks away. At the time I couldn't and thought this would be faster. I just came from the mailbox and there sat my book, today is the 25th of February.

As the day grows I read a very sad blog that brought tears to my eyes. By this time I wanted to go to my bed and pull the covers over my head. Maybe start again the next day.

My poor mother just came to the kitchen table to tell me that she has a leak in her bathroom and all the water from the tank is on the floor. AAAAAH! I handed her a telephone number of a plumber friend and they were able to come out today. In less than two hours.

Now let me get this straight, the toilet can be fixed but my life is still in ruins as far as education goes. Go figure. Writing has become my life and even though I can stop and start, it has become my comfort and life saver. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the Almighty.

He is the one thing that is my first constant in life. What keeps me on the straight and narrow. I just tend to wander every now and again. Not to mention gripe a little along the way. I better go pray for myself. That's a whole other blog unto itself!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

To Dream The Impossible Dream

The sound of shoes meeting the ground in quick steps were accompanied by short breaths as he burst through the door. Throwing his heavy overcoat on a nearby chair, eyes darting around the room.

Pulling off his tie he searched the rooms of the one story house, the bedroom, bathroom, frontroom and next the kitchen in exasperation.

Stopping in his tracks, the corners of his mouth turned up. The tension of his body relaxed as he put his arms around her, the only person he trusted with every fiber of his being.

The tears fell upon their cheeks as they both reflected upon his success of becoming the first black president of the United States of America.....

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Reaching Out

When you found yourself in need of comfort for what ever reason and you let it be known, how long did it take for someone to respond? When you heard the cry for help from someone unknown to you, how long did it take for you to respond? When it is you in the position of answering the call do you wait for others to respond before you make a move?

I have asked myself these very questions. I have even wished for a friend that I could vent to, visit without invitation, have a cup of coffee with in the morning while we discuss our inner most dreams. Many friends have come and gone only three remain out of all of them. One from high school that I found searching on the internet. The other two I used to work with, they email or text me every other day.

I had a close friend and I use the term loosely. Turns out that I was the only friend in the relationship. By the time she figured out why I wasn't talking to her anymore I had cut her off. No more accepting calls that wound up with her telling me all her drama and me never getting to say my piece. At first I made the excuse that she really needed a shoulder to cry on. The whole five years were like that. She would call my cell phone, text me or call my home number. If I didn't answer one she would call the other number simultaneously. A co-worker that witnessed it said they call that STALKING. Then it started at home and my mother was witness to it she was shocked and said the same thing. It has been 3 months since I've heard from her.

This didn't stop me from making other friends. I am just a little more careful about choosing them.

On the other hand I have also had the opportunity to make friends that reached out to me. Either in person or over the internet. Writing has become a tool that has been useful for me in this respect. I have reached out to others through my writing. It is as if my heart has taken over and pours out what my true self is all about.

One of my neighbors invited me to a neighborhood barbeque. She had these every so often so everyone could meet and get to know eachother. This time I accepted and actually went. I had the time of my life. My next door neighbor who would wave as she passed talked to me for over two hours. We had a lot in common!

I had come from a neighborhood where I lived for most of my teen and adult life. Everybody knew everybody and their kids and parents. My mother and step-father were getting older and decided to move to a smaller house in the next city. Not one neighbor greeted them. After my step-father died I moved in with my mother. Still no welcome. Now it has been four years and I decided I needed to make the first move.

I'm the kind of person who waves and says hello to everyone. But I guess not everyone is ready for that kind of friendliness. Not until I went to the barbeque! We laughed, we talked, we listened to music. I had a blast. Now when I go for my morning paper I get the waves and hello's that I prayed for.

So what is the real lesson here?

I have learned that if I am to make a decision that I want a friend and what my expectations are from the relationship.....I first have to ask myself what kind of friend will I be? I have to be able to meet the challenge of what I expect in a friend. What I entrust I must also trust. So you see it is a two way system. And the answer is simple. All it takes is reaching out....

Saturday, February 7, 2009

How Do You Celebrate Valentine's Day?

Valentine's Day was once thought to be a holiday for lovers. You hear of boyfriends shopping for the
ultimate gift for their girlfriends and vice versa. The guy that would be the topic of conversation among
his friends, family and neighbors for giving the gift that surpassed all others. See the panic in people's eyes
as they rummaged through stores not being able to afford what they wanted to give. Thus settling on
something less hoping for the best.

When did the art of giving gifts become so stressful? Where does it say that only lovers were eligible to
celebrate this holiday? Unfortunate as it seems the holiday is upon us once again. Should we try to get
ready for it as we do Christmas, shopping two or three months ahead of time?

I myself am not involved with anyone so I don't have that problem. But I am going to celebrate it
with someone I love. My mother. She lost her husband three years ago to Alzheimer's.
Her life partner and friend. I know a daughter is hardly anyone to replace a life partner but for now it
will do, for her. She is older now and though we have our time of difficulties the good out weigh the bad.

So when everyone is saying, "Happy Valentine's Day!" I will be wishing this same thing for my mother. I
do love her. After all she was the one who held my hand through the good times and bad. The scary times
when school separated me from my comfort zone at home. When the bell rang I knew I would soon be in
the comfort of her arms once more.

I am expecting my first grandchild in six months and can hardly wait until the time comes when I can
share holidays with her/him. My mother and I plan to love the baby with all our hearts which is what
it is truly all about right?

Valentine's Day may just be every day when you really look at it. When love can be given away freely.
From one person to another without reservation and never expecting anything in return. How will
you spend this day?