Mama Birdie, Baby Birdies

This is something I made up when my two sons were two and three. I had just separated from my husband and two years later filed for divorce. It was a hard time and I wanted to try to make my sons as comfortable with my decision as possible. I didn't tell them I was filing for divorce from their Daddy, I was getting them ready for what was about to become the single most devastating thing to happen in our lives.

When I dropped them off at daycare before going to work, I would tell them that the Mama Birdie loves her Baby birdies. That the Mama Birdie would always return to the nest to feed, comfort, and hold her babies no matter what.

This carried into their lives as men. My oldest being thirty-one and a half will use it when it serves him. Like getting pizza for him if I am on the road doing errands and he is tired from work. My youngest being thirty, unfortunately has not spoken to me due to a misunderstanding between us. I miss him with all my heart. The baby birdie that I feel got left behind and there is nothing I can do, but wait.

My oldest son is having his own baby birdie this August, I can hardly wait. I have gone through the empty-nest syndrome already. It hurt the first time, second time, and now the third time is not any easier but I am getting over it sooner than I thought. My oldest moved in and out and in and out, and in again. For the past 2 weeks he has been moving out.

Mama Birdie is going to school, writing another manuscript, rewriting her first manuscript, taking care of an elderly mother and trying to keep her sanity all at the same time. I think I am getting pretty good at this.

Mama Birdie will be turning into Grandma Birdie soon and I can hardly wait! My granddaughter will learn about the Mama Birdie, but from a new angle.....

The Realization In My Heart

Looking through my eyes is something only I can do. I once had a dream that the Lord showed me how the world looked through my earthly father's eyes. The faults, mistakes made, selfish thinking, etc. It hurt me inside to think that my father had so many faults.

Now I am questioning myself. Often I have thought of asking the Lord to show me my own faults in this fashion. But will I be accepting? Will I take exception to what He is trying to show me that I must change within myself? I am now ready, I think, to hear and accept what I am doing wrong. What I have been doing wrong that needs correction before it is too late. Too late to change.

My granddaughter is on the way. I want to show her that she must have the courage to be honest with herself if not with anyone else. To pray for wisdom for herself so she can change the things she is not happy with, within herself...for herself.

I look in the mirror, everyday. Whether it is brushing my hair, washing up, brushing my teeth, I see my reflection and wonder who the woman in the mirror really is. Now I must start my journey with myself and my Lord. Asking for help will be my first step with Him. Accepting what He has to say will be my second. I will follow until I come complete circle to finding out what really makes me tick and what I need to improve on.

Feeling hollow due to being terminated from a job that I loved. Unimportant because I had to return to school at this age, (turning 53 on April 24th). Being on unemployment because I don't have a job and have to look for a sedentary job. I am disabled. I have one knee replacement and my other knee is bone on bone. Hurting. If I sit too long, stand too long, walk too much----the pain is there.

I was trying to walk through all of this alone. Alone is not something I wanted to be. I now realize I don't have to be a-l-o-n-e. But to have the courage to seek help with the only person I trust...Jesus. Not a fanatic, but I do believe that turning to Him is what I have done my whole life. Whether I need help or celebrate His help through tough times. I know I can always turn to Him no matter what. It is up to me to take the first step.

Tomorrow will come with a brighter, eager acceptance because I took that first step. I can hardly wait.

The Road To Happiness

On the way to happiness
the truth you'll always find

The winding roads will tire you
or maybe the uphill climb

So when you're ready to call it quits
the faces you will see

Will be there to cheer you on
their called your family

copyright 2009 Cynthia Hernandez