Summer Is Here!

Well summer has arrived and the heat that follows. Guess it is best to make the most of it and plan backyard BBQ's, family get-togethers, neighborhood block parties and the like. Even though fall is my favorite season, summer is a time of reflection for me.

Most people would think the time of reflection is the day before New Year's, so they can look back on what they accomplished. For me, I still have a goal set on what else I can become when the new school year starts.

As many of you who have read my blogs, I am an older student who seeks to accomplish more than I could possibly imagine. Pushing myself at a safe pace yet proving only to myself that I can (since I have nothing stopping me) become whatever I set out to be. Sometimes it is fun, but other times I find it quite a soul searching mission. Re-inventing oneself is not easy and I try to take the moral high ground at every turn. It is just a journey that I wish everyone who has the chance to do it, would.

I am satisfied with the mission so far. Lets face it, I have two months before summer is over and again I will look back without regret. This butterfly has burst out of her cacoon and has been flying high ever since.

Take the journey, you may just be surprised at what you find....

Acceptance

One day while I was at school waiting for my teacher to unlock the classroom door, I looked up and saw this tree. It was in the area where the Parenting classes took place. The children were arriving one by one with their parents. Looking back at the tree I noticed how bare it was, with the branches reaching to the clouds.

The birds lit on the high branches, greeting one another with a friendly chirping noise as birds do. Then an even bigger bird, nearly three times the size of the others, landed on the nearby telephone wires. It watched as more birds began to fill the branches. Squawking at them as if she was asking to be acknowledged. The other birds continued to chirp while others merely flew away.

Pretty much like humans that are new to their surroundings or lonely, she continued to squawk, but the other birds continued with what they were doing as if they couldn't be bothered by her. Venturing closer she landed on the highest branch and continued to watch the other birds, this time she was quiet. Moving down to a lower branch she remained silent but still curious, waiting patiently.

The smaller birds began to move closer onto the same branch as the larger bird and chirped softly to her. Flittering around her, yet moving slowly and closer to their new found friend. It brought tears to my eyes as I took this as a sign of acceptance.

The classroom door opened, and I said a silent prayer for both of us. My journey as a new student at a new school, an older student that had learned through the years to be patient and observe, was just beginning. Uppermost thought in my mind when I cross the threshold every morning? The want and desire of .....acceptance.

Circle of Friends

Being an older student does have its perks. I turned 53 this past April and wondered what I was going to do with my life since my termination from my job of 5 years. I have Degenerative Joint Disease and was in dire need of a sedentary job, or so I had been told.

My search of schools took its toll on me but I finally made my choice and am now attending this fine establishment. Monday through Friday I trek to school with my backpack full of my books and eagerness in my heart. I am doing very well from what my teachers tell me...I am thrilled!

Being the new kid on the block I still smiled as I entered the very first day and said hello to everyone that came my way. I befriended two kind souls that have proven to be just that. Helping me along the way and vice versa. We have become true friends in such a short period of time. I have only been a student in that class for almost three weeks, but none the less they accepted me.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a hard person to get along with, just a little skeptical in my old age. Lately things in my life had been getting a little hectic. An elderly mother of whom I live with and try to keep company when time will allow. A car that acts up more than my two sons when they were toddlers. No job, writing a novel, several short stories, none of which were accepted in contests I entered them in. But I am stubborn and I continue to write regardless.

Last Friday my two friends at school and I were helping each other with an assignment. It was grueling but we got through it...together. When the clock struck noon my friends collected their things as I did. We all walked to our cars together wishing one another a nice weekend. Both girls gave each other a hug of which I thought was cute, they knew each other longer so I just waited to say goodbye. Then both of them said in unison, "Cindy, we are going to give you a hug too because now you are a part of our family of friends as well." I cried all the way to my car. It has been a rough ride being an older student and now the younger ones are teaching me a thing or two....I am a student in more ways than one.

Mama Birdie, Baby Birdies

This is something I made up when my two sons were two and three. I had just separated from my husband and two years later filed for divorce. It was a hard time and I wanted to try to make my sons as comfortable with my decision as possible. I didn't tell them I was filing for divorce from their Daddy, I was getting them ready for what was about to become the single most devastating thing to happen in our lives.

When I dropped them off at daycare before going to work, I would tell them that the Mama Birdie loves her Baby birdies. That the Mama Birdie would always return to the nest to feed, comfort, and hold her babies no matter what.

This carried into their lives as men. My oldest being thirty-one and a half will use it when it serves him. Like getting pizza for him if I am on the road doing errands and he is tired from work. My youngest being thirty, unfortunately has not spoken to me due to a misunderstanding between us. I miss him with all my heart. The baby birdie that I feel got left behind and there is nothing I can do, but wait.

My oldest son is having his own baby birdie this August, I can hardly wait. I have gone through the empty-nest syndrome already. It hurt the first time, second time, and now the third time is not any easier but I am getting over it sooner than I thought. My oldest moved in and out and in and out, and in again. For the past 2 weeks he has been moving out.

Mama Birdie is going to school, writing another manuscript, rewriting her first manuscript, taking care of an elderly mother and trying to keep her sanity all at the same time. I think I am getting pretty good at this.

Mama Birdie will be turning into Grandma Birdie soon and I can hardly wait! My granddaughter will learn about the Mama Birdie, but from a new angle.....

The Realization In My Heart

Looking through my eyes is something only I can do. I once had a dream that the Lord showed me how the world looked through my earthly father's eyes. The faults, mistakes made, selfish thinking, etc. It hurt me inside to think that my father had so many faults.

Now I am questioning myself. Often I have thought of asking the Lord to show me my own faults in this fashion. But will I be accepting? Will I take exception to what He is trying to show me that I must change within myself? I am now ready, I think, to hear and accept what I am doing wrong. What I have been doing wrong that needs correction before it is too late. Too late to change.

My granddaughter is on the way. I want to show her that she must have the courage to be honest with herself if not with anyone else. To pray for wisdom for herself so she can change the things she is not happy with, within herself...for herself.

I look in the mirror, everyday. Whether it is brushing my hair, washing up, brushing my teeth, I see my reflection and wonder who the woman in the mirror really is. Now I must start my journey with myself and my Lord. Asking for help will be my first step with Him. Accepting what He has to say will be my second. I will follow until I come complete circle to finding out what really makes me tick and what I need to improve on.

Feeling hollow due to being terminated from a job that I loved. Unimportant because I had to return to school at this age, (turning 53 on April 24th). Being on unemployment because I don't have a job and have to look for a sedentary job. I am disabled. I have one knee replacement and my other knee is bone on bone. Hurting. If I sit too long, stand too long, walk too much----the pain is there.

I was trying to walk through all of this alone. Alone is not something I wanted to be. I now realize I don't have to be a-l-o-n-e. But to have the courage to seek help with the only person I trust...Jesus. Not a fanatic, but I do believe that turning to Him is what I have done my whole life. Whether I need help or celebrate His help through tough times. I know I can always turn to Him no matter what. It is up to me to take the first step.

Tomorrow will come with a brighter, eager acceptance because I took that first step. I can hardly wait.

The Road To Happiness

On the way to happiness
the truth you'll always find

The winding roads will tire you
or maybe the uphill climb

So when you're ready to call it quits
the faces you will see

Will be there to cheer you on
their called your family

copyright 2009 Cynthia Hernandez

Will Next Time Come Too Late?

We have all been guilty of: "I'll do it next time" or "Maybe next time."
Whether it is visiting, chores, purchasing something, or maybe even telling someone something we should have said right then and there but something held us back.

Then of course there are the times when waiting was a good thing. Such as when you saw
a piece of clothing in the store that was a little too pricey, or the tool that was just what you needed but again it was the price that stopped you. Waiting until the time was right for the price. Can't go wrong there.

But what about when it comes to visiting someone. Is the visit going to take you out of your way of better things to do? When will the right time come?

How about the phone call you meant to make. The person on the other end was promised that soon, real soon, you would be in contact with them again. When will the right time come?

The time you saw someone in need and you said, "Someone will come along and help them out. I'm not going to worry about it." When will the right time to make a move to give a helping hand come?

Will the next time be the right time when it involves you? Sick in bed and in need of help to get you a nice cup of tea that would help with that sore throat? Furniture that is just too heavy to move by yourself and you need a helping hand? A piece of information that you need to take the next step in decision making?

If we all took the time to reach out and help, no matter if it is a relative, neighbor, stranger.
We would be at least able to live with ourselves with the satisfaction of knowing that next time was now instead of later. We all need to think hard and reach out.

At times when my elderly mother gets exasperated with something around the house I find it so easy to ask, "Mom, can I help?" I don't do it for the pleasure, but it warms my heart when she looks up with a surprised look on her face that is actually relief that someone has come to her rescue. She is alone without a partner.

I am her daughter and come to her aid quite frequently. Even when she says, "We need a man around the house." I just smile to myself and do what she asks.

It takes nothing to extend your hand in kindness. I find time to do this more often than usual. During marketing, shopping for clothes, shoes, etc. because just when you least expect it, your turn comes....