Mama Birdie, Baby Birdies

This is something I made up when my two sons were two and three. I had just separated from my husband and two years later filed for divorce. It was a hard time and I wanted to try to make my sons as comfortable with my decision as possible. I didn't tell them I was filing for divorce from their Daddy, I was getting them ready for what was about to become the single most devastating thing to happen in our lives.

When I dropped them off at daycare before going to work, I would tell them that the Mama Birdie loves her Baby birdies. That the Mama Birdie would always return to the nest to feed, comfort, and hold her babies no matter what.

This carried into their lives as men. My oldest being thirty-one and a half will use it when it serves him. Like getting pizza for him if I am on the road doing errands and he is tired from work. My youngest being thirty, unfortunately has not spoken to me due to a misunderstanding between us. I miss him with all my heart. The baby birdie that I feel got left behind and there is nothing I can do, but wait.

My oldest son is having his own baby birdie this August, I can hardly wait. I have gone through the empty-nest syndrome already. It hurt the first time, second time, and now the third time is not any easier but I am getting over it sooner than I thought. My oldest moved in and out and in and out, and in again. For the past 2 weeks he has been moving out.

Mama Birdie is going to school, writing another manuscript, rewriting her first manuscript, taking care of an elderly mother and trying to keep her sanity all at the same time. I think I am getting pretty good at this.

Mama Birdie will be turning into Grandma Birdie soon and I can hardly wait! My granddaughter will learn about the Mama Birdie, but from a new angle.....

The Realization In My Heart

Looking through my eyes is something only I can do. I once had a dream that the Lord showed me how the world looked through my earthly father's eyes. The faults, mistakes made, selfish thinking, etc. It hurt me inside to think that my father had so many faults.

Now I am questioning myself. Often I have thought of asking the Lord to show me my own faults in this fashion. But will I be accepting? Will I take exception to what He is trying to show me that I must change within myself? I am now ready, I think, to hear and accept what I am doing wrong. What I have been doing wrong that needs correction before it is too late. Too late to change.

My granddaughter is on the way. I want to show her that she must have the courage to be honest with herself if not with anyone else. To pray for wisdom for herself so she can change the things she is not happy with, within herself...for herself.

I look in the mirror, everyday. Whether it is brushing my hair, washing up, brushing my teeth, I see my reflection and wonder who the woman in the mirror really is. Now I must start my journey with myself and my Lord. Asking for help will be my first step with Him. Accepting what He has to say will be my second. I will follow until I come complete circle to finding out what really makes me tick and what I need to improve on.

Feeling hollow due to being terminated from a job that I loved. Unimportant because I had to return to school at this age, (turning 53 on April 24th). Being on unemployment because I don't have a job and have to look for a sedentary job. I am disabled. I have one knee replacement and my other knee is bone on bone. Hurting. If I sit too long, stand too long, walk too much----the pain is there.

I was trying to walk through all of this alone. Alone is not something I wanted to be. I now realize I don't have to be a-l-o-n-e. But to have the courage to seek help with the only person I trust...Jesus. Not a fanatic, but I do believe that turning to Him is what I have done my whole life. Whether I need help or celebrate His help through tough times. I know I can always turn to Him no matter what. It is up to me to take the first step.

Tomorrow will come with a brighter, eager acceptance because I took that first step. I can hardly wait.

The Road To Happiness

On the way to happiness
the truth you'll always find

The winding roads will tire you
or maybe the uphill climb

So when you're ready to call it quits
the faces you will see

Will be there to cheer you on
their called your family

copyright 2009 Cynthia Hernandez

Will Next Time Come Too Late?

We have all been guilty of: "I'll do it next time" or "Maybe next time."
Whether it is visiting, chores, purchasing something, or maybe even telling someone something we should have said right then and there but something held us back.

Then of course there are the times when waiting was a good thing. Such as when you saw
a piece of clothing in the store that was a little too pricey, or the tool that was just what you needed but again it was the price that stopped you. Waiting until the time was right for the price. Can't go wrong there.

But what about when it comes to visiting someone. Is the visit going to take you out of your way of better things to do? When will the right time come?

How about the phone call you meant to make. The person on the other end was promised that soon, real soon, you would be in contact with them again. When will the right time come?

The time you saw someone in need and you said, "Someone will come along and help them out. I'm not going to worry about it." When will the right time to make a move to give a helping hand come?

Will the next time be the right time when it involves you? Sick in bed and in need of help to get you a nice cup of tea that would help with that sore throat? Furniture that is just too heavy to move by yourself and you need a helping hand? A piece of information that you need to take the next step in decision making?

If we all took the time to reach out and help, no matter if it is a relative, neighbor, stranger.
We would be at least able to live with ourselves with the satisfaction of knowing that next time was now instead of later. We all need to think hard and reach out.

At times when my elderly mother gets exasperated with something around the house I find it so easy to ask, "Mom, can I help?" I don't do it for the pleasure, but it warms my heart when she looks up with a surprised look on her face that is actually relief that someone has come to her rescue. She is alone without a partner.

I am her daughter and come to her aid quite frequently. Even when she says, "We need a man around the house." I just smile to myself and do what she asks.

It takes nothing to extend your hand in kindness. I find time to do this more often than usual. During marketing, shopping for clothes, shoes, etc. because just when you least expect it, your turn comes....

The Day My Heart Felt Sad

Have you ever had an off day? Felt as if you just didn't feel up to par as your day moved on? You wonder if it is a bout of depression, but just scoot that thought out of your head because it is just too heavy to think about. You look for another answer but can't quite put your finger on it.

The tears fall down your cheeks and you take a deep breath and try to rehash your last few days. How did you get into this mode of sadness? It feels as if you are in a black hole and you can't muster up enough strength to climb out.

Sometimes it is just better to stay in bed for a while. Maybe sleep in a little longer.

This is what happened to me today and I couldn't quite figure out what the heck was going on. I didn't feel as if I couldn't go on any more, but the sadness just overwhelmed me. I was supposed to be getting a room emptied, the rug was to be removed and wooden flooring put in the next day. Not getting into that room until 4 p.m. was the best I could do. I removed as much as I could. Then an hour later my son removed the rest of the heavier furniture.

My son and his girlfriend made a delicious dinner of which I enjoyed and we even watched the Laker game. But after all was said and done and everyone went their own way I felt the sadness creep back in. I kept trying to think about the fact that on April 5th we will find out the sex of the baby my son's girlfriend is carrying. My grandchild.

The evening lingered and I decided to write this blog, hoping it would make me feel better. Which it has in some way but hopefully tomorrow will bring a brighter day. Maybe I will dive into a book that a friend wrote and when I am through I will write a much deserved review.

I often wonder if writers have off days. It makes sense that when you don't feel like doing anything, writing would be the best medicine. Have you ever felt like this before? If so what have you done to chase the blues away?

When You Can't Say A Word

Have you ever been told by a friend, relative or significant other, "Whatever you do, don't say a word!"

Your mind is now going in a million different directions and you are wondering why this person is telling you this. Then it happens, the news is now crossing your side of the room and into your ears. A series of events start to take place.

First, you gasp, your eyes widen and your mouth drops open. Second, your heart starts racing. Third, you are already thinking of ten people you would like to give this juicy news to. Stop. You have just been told not to say a word remember?

You begin to rationalize. Maybe this person really wouldn't mind if you told a couple of your closest friends. They don't know each other so that would be okay, right?
Then you wonder if anybody ever died of withholding any news inside of themselves by imploding. Exploding? High blood pressure from too much excitement?

Why on God's green earth did they have to tell YOU of all people. Walking around your house going from room to room and stomping your feet doesn't help. You begin to wonder what you are going to do.

What's left? Maybe the cat would sit long enough for you to get it all out of your system. But you have to feed him/her first, then quietly sit next to them on the floor and look around the room while you are spilling the news. That helps. No eye contact and you can just say the cat over heard the conversation. Perhaps the neighbor down the street that never talks to you but waves occasionally?

Why am I telling you this? Because my mother's birthday is the 13th of this month and she will be 76 years old. She will have surprises all day long into the next day. My oldest son and I will be orchestrating all of this. Which means all of the happy news remains with me. A birthday breakfast, then later in the day birthday cake and presents. The next day will be dinner at a nice French restaurant. It is a secret. A surprise. Can't say anything. Just great....

My son works and is away from my mother, so no temptation there. As for me, I am with my mother all day, all the time. Geez. I try to keep writing my stories on the computer or writing how-to articles. But as luck would have it every now and again I look up at her sitting at the table and wish I could spill the beans. My mother smiles and asks me if I am okay. Of course my son would have what is called I believe, a caniption? I have never even ventured at trying to spell the word, yet I have seen it happen quite a few times in my presence.

So, here lies the problem or maybe even the solution if I think about it long enough. I have to keep quiet. When I feel like spilling the beans I will go to my room, take a deep breath and give myself a stern talking to. Then return to my computer.

My computer, hmmm. Hey, wait a minute. OMG! I can tell the people in my group and my mother will never find out. Oh lucky me. What a wonderful way to get all these secrets out!!!

Not Again

Remember when the advertising blurbs came out for Lipstick Jungle? I couldn't wait until it was on. Every week I waited. Turned the phone off, let family members know that while this program was on the "Do Not Disturb" sign was on the door!

Wendy (Brooke Shields), with her soft but suttle ways to speak up in a man's world. Nico (Kim Raver), who could seduce, immasculate, and neuter a man before he knew what hit him. Victory (Lindsay Price), who though has that little girl doll face, could whip something up to wear and look like she never broke a sweat.

The three of these young ladies were Lethal Weapons in their own right. They are talented, know their craft and pulled it off in a no nonsense series that was never given a chance. The good programs are always cancelled while they are still being shaped into the programs we grew to love. No matter how short their tv life was I grew to love the way these women carried themselves.

Sex In The City had nothing on them. Though I do think Sarah Jessica Parker is talented in her own way. I really thought that Lipstick Jungle was THE ONE program that would last for longer than it did.

I am sorry to see that this happened and I can see why people are starting to rent movies more and more. The only thing that I can do to remedy my disappointment is to buy the series at my local Best Buy store.

I wish all three of them well and I hope to see them in the future, either together or separately....